The sun streams in my kitchen window as I look at the new open shelving my father built for me. The beautiful wooden shelves are stained a dark brown and display everyday dishes, drinking glasses, and trailing plants. On the counter below sits a glass vase filled with a dozen red roses from my husband. The soft petals tickle my nose as I breathe in the sweet aroma.
How am I so blessed? I grew up with an incredible father who made time for me and took me on dates. He spent hours giving me advice and loves me so much. Now I’m married to an amazing man who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and loves me despite my imperfections. He listens to me talk for hours and takes such good care of me.
These two men that God has given to me are gifts that I have easily taken for granted.
A few weeks later I look at the roses. They are wilting and the leaves are falling onto the counter. My eyes go to the beautiful shelves and I know that they won’t last forever. They will probably get scratched and beaten up over the years. They are temporary.
The roses and shelves are such a tangible picture to me that these men that God has placed in my life are not perfect. They will let me down. As much as they love me, they are human.
Maybe you grew up with a father that was not present. Maybe he disappeared when you were young or he was physically there, but he wasn’t the father you craved for. Maybe you feel wounded and long for love. Maybe you are in a marriage where you don’t feel appreciated or even noticed, or maybe you feel bitter towards your husband because he isn’t the man you want him to be. Maybe you are in a situation much worse. My heart goes out to each of you, no matter where you find yourself.
Even though I have so much to be thankful for, I realize I can’t expect my husband or my father to love me perfectly. If I’m relying on a mere human to keep my love cup full and overflowing every day, I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
I’m going to be honest here. I had most of this article written before I really had to live this out. All of these flowery words are fine on paper, but when it’s real life, it hurts. In real life, the thorns on the roses prick you and you bump your head on the shelves. In real life, when the person you love the most hurts you, howbeit unintentionally, it’s incredibly hard to be secure in your Father’s love. In real life, it’s tough to forgive and move on. In real life, you find yourself with your face on the floor, crying out to Jesus because the voices in your head are too strong.
“When fears are relentless, anxiety merciless, and depression too deep to bear, we run to Jesus because there’s no place that offers us more safety.” – Morrison, Sarah, It Is Well, Copyright 2017
There are some days when my husband will hurt me. Not intentionally of course, but just as I am imperfect, so is he. On the days when we are sorting through a disagreement or a hard situation, it is almost impossible for me to function. I cling to my husband because I need to be affirmed and loved every second of every day. When he doesn’t love me the way I expect he will, I am broken and wounded. When someone you love so immensely causes you pain, of course it cuts deep. That is normal. But as I think through how much it rocks my world when we have a conflict, I realize I’m finding my security in my husband, not my Heavenly Father.
I hear the struggle of the single woman who just wishes for someone to always be there for her. She doesn’t understand why the married women complain about their husbands when all she wants is to be married. How is that fair?
I’m finding out that whether you are married or single, the struggle is the same. We need to be loved. We need to feel like we belong, and that we are chosen. We, as women, long to be understood. We want to be cherished and protected.
So, who should we rely on for love? Our Heavenly Father. He bestows to us the purest and most unconditional love there is. He never lets us down and He always has time for us. He is never impatient and always understands. He loves each of us despite our faults and our failures.
I need my love cup to be filled by my Abba Father. My husband was not meant to fulfill me. He is told to love me and lay down his life for me, but he is not God. I am able to love my husband better and allow him to love me when I am secure in my Father’s love.
But how? How does one live in true security? It’s much easier said than done.
I have the habit of writing about things that I am still learning, and therefore, I’m struggling to find the answers. I don’t have a list or a five-step plan. What I have learned, is that in order for me to be secure in my Father’s love, I need to trust Him. How can I trust Someone I don’t know?
Get to know your Heavenly Father who loves you. Spend time in His Word because it is His letter to you. When the days are dark and lonely, let the tears flow and raise your hands to the Almighty. He knows you better than anyone on this earth ever could. He created you and formed you in His image. Breath in the sweet aroma of His love that will never die or shrivel up like a bouquet of roses. Grasp his strong hand that will support you and never become tarnished over the years like a wooden shelf. Our Father’s love is stronger than anything.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39
Thank-you Jesus. I am not worthy of your love.
Brianna is a new wife living in the city of Ft. Wayne, IN with her husband Rylan. She treasures her interactions with her neighbors and desires to be Jesus to those she meets. She is on a journey with her Heavenly Father as He teaches her to trust Him when life feels uncertain. She works part-time cleaning houses, loves adventuring with her husband, enjoys having coffee with a friend, jumps at the opportunity to write, and is learning how to manage a home of her own. You can find Brianna on Instagram at @bri_danae_